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CactusAda decided to take a walk down the street. It had been a long day. Moving to a new neighbourhood after Mrs. Robinson’s dog had bitten her ankle for the third time. Stupid dog. At least there were no stray dogs on this street. She had done her checks.

The street was quiet, the sound of her footsteps swallowed by the silence. She began to slap her sandals-shod feet on the pavement as she walked; still nothing. She put her hands over her ears and sighed. Her implants must be acting up again, what with the moving and all. She would call Doctor Angus tomorrow.

The tree came upon her and she shrieked. Or she thought she did.

It was a cactus. Tree or flower she was never sure. Her phone was home else she would have googled it. It had been right in front of her but her preoccupation with her ears had distracted her. It was tall, easily twice her 5′ 11”. She went close to it. She has always found cacti ridiculous, and by extension, God, because who created something and added parts to it like an after-thought?

She was close enough to touch. The skin looked smooth, which was weird. Weren’t cactus supposed to have prickly thingies all over them?

‘You might as well touch me and get over with it.’ The voice was soft, with a Southern tinge, and a little bit of an accent she couldn’t place thrown in.

‘I’m sorry. What?’

‘You don’t need to open your mouth. I can hear your just fine from within.’

When you see a lion, do not panic, do not run, just be calm. The tweet she had seen earlier from the BBC handle on twitter jumped into her head.

She knew it was the tree/flower/whatever talking. She could run but she had seen too many horror movies. It never ended well.

‘I’m not going to hurt you. You can run if you want. And you should stop listening to stupid advice. Who stands when they see a lion?’
‘You?’ Ada replied.

‘That’s because I don’t have a choice.’

The ridiculousness of her position hit Ada at that moment. She had a cactus in her head.

She shrieked. This time she heard herself.

‘Shush. Will you calm down and stop breaking my concentration? It takes a lot of work to keep it this quiet, you know.’ The voice was a whisper above the sounds of the night that filtered into her ears.

‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please don’t hurt me.’

‘Didn’t you hear me say I wouldn’t hurt you? Besides as you pointed out, I can’t move.’

‘How can I be sure of that? Why should I trust you?’ Ada asked, her voice still a note above normal.

The cactus (OMG she was talking to a cactus!) laughed and it sounded like tiny bell chimes.

‘You can. I am not human. I don’t have the capacity to deceive.’

‘In that case, while I would love to stay and chat, I have to get back home. It was nice to meet you.’

Ada didn’t wait for a reply, or turn around. She power walked backwards till she got to a turn in the street and then she hightailed it back to her house.

***

The street looked the same in the morning, the sky was a lighter blue and the shadows were made by the sun and not streetlights. Ada looked through her window and sighed. What a dream. She really needed to stop watching horror films.

Her door bell rang again. Shit. That was what had woken her up. She grabbed a robe off the stack of boxes and hurried out of her bedroom.

‘Coming!’

The woman at the door was large. Her breasts were big enough to balance two six packs of beer on. She wore a zebra print blouse over a pair of tights that was stretched to the end of its life.

‘Hello?’

‘Hello young lady. I’m Mrs. Queen and I live right across the street. Welcome to the neighbourhood. I hope you enjoy your stay here. We’re mostly quiet retired folk just looking for a bit of peace,” the woman said, her face split in a smile.

‘Miss me?’

It was THE voice.

‘What?’ The word didn’t quite make it out of Ada’s mouth.

‘Oh, I forgot to mention, I brought you a small gift, to liven up your place. It only grows in this neighbourhood. All you need to do is water it maybe once a week and when it gets too big, call me, I’ll get Mr. King, that’s my husband, to find a nice spot in your yard and plant it.’

She held out the flower pot to Ada.

‘You should have known better. I mean, after all the horror movies you’ve watched. Better close your mouth and take the pot before Mrs. Queen thinks you’re a retard.’

It was THE voice.